Why are people rude?

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Why are people rude?

Postby W C Chang » Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:01 am

I've been doing some networking by contacting others who were in the same lab as I am, some of them going back many years. My advisor says that it is OK for to contact them.

It is very discouraging to talk to people who are not friendly. I have found some good contacts, but they have not led anywhere at this time. I get stopped regularly by the few who are really not open and friendly. If someone treats me like that, I find myself not interested in making more job contacts.

Anyone else have this? What can you do about it?

W C Chang

Why are people rude?

Postby Dave Jensen » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:04 pm

Hi WC,

I would guess that ANYONE doing some job search networking would encounter this. Not everyone has the time to talk freely at work, and some people have bad days, etc. You are going to run into a certain number of people who will just have no ability to help you. Sometimes, they don't have a lot of ability in the people-skills area, either. Don't let that discourage you.

Take a look at the contacts you made. What was the percentage of "rude" or bad contacts that you made? Was it more than 25%? I doubt it. Most people have an open attitude about helping others, as long as it is brief. The moment you make a 3-5 minute call into a 20 minute extravaganza, than someone is going to object.

Anyway, look at that %. If it is 25%, that means that every fourth call is going to be non-productive. Count on it -- and count on the fact that the next three will likely be good ones. In other words, start watching the numbers and you'll get a sense for the fact that you have to GET PAST the rude or bad calls in order to make the contacts with the next few good ones.

And there is no doubt about it that it will be an effective process if you keep it up.

Anyone else have this problem that WC mentioned? How did you manage it?

Dave Jensen, Moderator
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Why are people rude?

Postby Kelly Ann » Tue Oct 19, 2004 6:03 pm

So far I have discovered that Dave is right ... most people will go out of there way to help you. However, it is important to \"network\" rather than simply ask people what job openings they might be aware of. In a previous post, Dave mentioned that when you ask someone a question to which they have to respond NO to, they tend to not be as friendly. In my current job search and networking adventures, I have found that good personal skills will carry you a long way. I like to think of networking as maintaining and establishing professional friendships. I don\'t mean that you should beat around the bush but if a person knows that you are interested in maintaining a relationship (rather than just finding a job) the results tend to be more productive. My suggestion is to one, be courtious of their time and two, to ask questions that will allow your contacts to tell them about themselves and give recommendations of how to obtain a given position. If you have a good relationship, they will be the one to tell you about job openings that you are qualified for.
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Why are people rude?

Postby Chris Buntel » Tue Oct 19, 2004 7:42 pm

Simply asking if there is a job opening is a sure way to end the conversation quickly.

I find that asking "career" questions about how the person landed their first job, what it takes to be successful, what do they like/dislike, etc is a more effective networking approach. People usually love to talk about their career.

There will always be a fraction of unhelpful people, but tailor your approach to maximize the chance of people being helpful.

Chris Buntel

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