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overcoming bad attitudes

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overcoming bad attitudes

Postby JM » Tue Nov 21, 2017 12:49 pm

After reading some recent threads on the board and in doing some introspection, it has occurred to me that there are two basic reasons for difficulties in managing careers: the first is lack of knowledge, and the second is bad attitudes.

It occurred to me that I have some attitude problems and I need to fix these if I am to get anywhere. These create low confidence, which makes it harder to take these on - I think you see the vicious cycle.

A good example would be negotiating, whether for a job offer or in my current position on projects. I have limiting beliefs that make it hard for me to approach these situations with confidence.

I have read articles and tips on these things, but I am finding that unless I can change my attitudes, the tips are not sticking or proving useful.

So, I am wondering: what methods have others found useful in neutralizing their self-limiting beliefs to really make changes that stick?

Thanks,

JM
JM
 
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Re: overcoming bad attitudes

Postby D.X. » Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:51 pm

Hi JM,

Well congrats, you've overcome the first step which is acknowledging your issues.

The next is to examine what you think the root cause(s) could be. The bad atitude or attitudes are a symptom of a disease, by analogy to medical thinking, so whats the disease? Can be resistance to change caused by fear of change? Could it be a an ego issue? Could it be closed mindedness and then in that case why?

I dont know you, and well you didnt share much but those are some areas i would advise you probe deeper on. Another piece of advise whiich i think you realized by asking your question, the only factor you have control of is yourself, Be it in a change situation or other situation, so whats limiting you self "adaptation" or self "response".

For me, bad attitute folks share in common a deep resitance to change and/or a seeing a different view or angle, that Is personal trait that can manifest into an impaired or unacceptable work style, leading to well poor acceptance of you by others.

So some things and areas to think about, the only tip is more deeper self introspection - somes profeesional advise such as that of a pyschologist could be of benefit on issues like these and less so a forum.

Best,

DX
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Re: overcoming bad attitudes

Postby JM » Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:13 pm

Hi DX,

Thank you for your response.

I would say "fear of change" is a big thing for me, though this also seems more of a symptom or other facet - I think there are deeper causes to this, ie underlying thoughts.

As you correctly indicated, change is often foisted upon us and the only thing to do is control how we respond, and it is here that I really want to improve.

You raise a good point that guidance from a psychologist or similar would be more useful. To that point, I spent some time last evening brainstorming any thought that could be holding me back. In so doing, I realized that there were many that I was barely conscious of - only in sitting down and writing them did they come to the forefront. So now I have something more substantial to work with.

Thanks again

JM
JM
 
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Re: overcoming bad attitudes

Postby Dave Jensen » Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:15 pm

JM wrote:Hi DX,

Thank you for your response.

I would say "fear of change" is a big thing for me, though this also seems more of a symptom or other facet - I think there are deeper causes to this, ie underlying thoughts.

As you correctly indicated, change is often foisted upon us and the only thing to do is control how we respond, and it is here that I really want to improve.

You raise a good point that guidance from a psychologist or similar would be more useful. To that point, I spent some time last evening brainstorming any thought that could be holding me back. In so doing, I realized that there were many that I was barely conscious of - only in sitting down and writing them did they come to the forefront. So now I have something more substantial to work with.

Thanks again

JM


It's really good to see you here expressing those concerns JM. The fact that you recognize this as a problem -- and that you know you have to do something about it. As others have already said, that's the first step towards getting some resolution.

There's plenty of things that impact young scientists from making the momentum that they thought they'd have, and you've just identified Problem #1.

I've written about it a great deal in my column Tooling Up, so much so that one editor previously told me to be careful to balance my "real advice" with the "attitude advice." So I haven't written about it in a while -- but it might be time to do so again.

I'm concerned that people like you often fall into a trap. There's a new trend for what I call the "Paid Career Advice" networks. I saw a new one yesterday -- there must be a half-dozen of them or more now . . . fancy websites with all kinds of promises. First thing JM, stay away from those "cheeky" sites and all like them. I can't imagine a worst step than to start spending your limited resources on cookie cutter LinkedIn and CV advice. Those things are tossed by most HR and recruiting firms.

The advice you've had from others in this thread is great and I hope we can come back and address specifics here as you ask them.

Dave Jensen, Moderator
"One of the most powerful networking practices is to provide immediate value to a new connection. This means the moment you identify a way to help someone, take action." - Lewis Howes
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Re: overcoming bad attitudes

Postby JM » Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:17 pm

Hi Dave,

It's interesting that you brought up the paid-advice groups, because one of the limiting thoughts that I identified after further introspection is "I don't have power" - related to the locus of control that you talked about in one of the Tooling Up articles (thanks for the reminder about those).

This limiting thought arises from two root causes: (1) I have given away power many times, (2) negative attitudes about power - brought about by abuses of power and so on - essentially, a "fear" of power.

On the first point, clearly the worst thing to do would be giving away more power, which is a really good reason to avoid the paid-advice services. On the second, it seems that a solution could be a shift in thinking - looking for positive role models who use power to benefit many (rather than themselves exclusively).

Thanks for your reply,

JM
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