How to deal with interview feedback?

[Andrew]

It is actually rare that you got constructive feedback at all. I'd thank them for it. Most companies will not spend the time to do this on someone they have lost interest in.

It is interesting that you have brought up the differences in the way men and women perceive criticism. You and some other posters believe the differences can be summarized as:

woman: I am not good enough for the position
man: Bad fit

Is this a true perception of the differences? I don't know, however, it is clear that you are feeling more along the lines of the former and I'd recommend you feel more along the lines of the later.

[Dave Jensen]

It is actually rare that you got constructive feedback at all. I'd thank them for it. Most companies will not spend the time to do this on someone they have lost interest in.

It is interesting that you have brought up the differences in the way men and women perceive criticism. You and some other posters believe the differences can be summarized as:

woman: I am not good enough for the position
man: Bad fit

Is this a true perception of the differences? I don't know, however, it is clear that you are feeling more along the lines of the former and I'd recommend you feel more along the lines of the latter.

Forum readers: I had a comment from someone who I work with who told me that this thread runs dangerously close to advice that will seem insensitive to women (the whole thread, not just one person's comment). I didn't see that, and of course would never want to run into that issue. Let's hear some women's feedback, please, on the thread and their comments will steer our moderation in the future,

Dave Jensen, Forum Moderator

[John D. D,]

It would be nice if we could have ONE WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW of how sexist each comment was (anonymous). It may not be just sexism, but insensitivity, or some other point.

One thing that I always do in all of my professional emails that look for people is make the statement: "I am supportive of both women and men in science." I suppose it is one way of making a statement that seeks to accomplish something equivalent to anti-discrimination clauses in work advertisements.

[Rich Lemert]

I've just had my wife review this thread. Her reaction is that overall the thread is not insensitive, but there are a few remarks that she feels were unnecessary. These were generally comments that were in line with the following sentence from my original response:

I'm more concerned about your reaction to this insight. You are viewing the situation as a problem with you (a common feminine reaction, I understand), whereas a guy would more likely blame the situation.

To be honest, I did have a hard time trying to come up with a suitable way of phrasing my response, and I debated how (and if) to say what I said above. Upon reflection, perhaps I did carry my remarks a little too far. It's clear that Susan is upset by the feedback she received, and that she is internalizing it more than she should. If I (and some others) had left it there we probably wouldn't be having this problem. I didn't, though, and for that I apologize.

[PACN]

I don't find it offensive. I found the most sexist statement to be the original poster's: "In the current situation I am sad, confused and insecure (probably I am too emotional for a scientist). I currently also think a lot about men and women in general: is it possible that as a woman I am less logical than a man?" I hate that there are women out there that have bought into this, although I don't find it particularly surprising. If anyone responding said "Yes, women are too emotional and not logical enough to be scientists", certainly that would be sexist. But instead, the overall theme of the advice was to try to view the criticism in a different light, which is certainly not sexist. I think the statements that women may respond to criticism differently didn't necessarily need to be gendered-- some people internalize criticism more than others within each gender. However, I have a hard time seeing that as a value judgment that puts down women, so no offense here.

[Dave Jensen]

I don't find it offensive. I found the most sexist statement to be the original poster's: "In the current situation I am sad, confused and insecure (probably I am too emotional for a scientist). I currently also think a lot about men and women in general: is it possible that as a woman I am less logical than a man?" I hate that there are women out there that have bought into this, although I don't find it particularly surprising. If anyone responding said "Yes, women are too emotional and not logical enough to be scientists", certainly that would be sexist. But instead, the overall theme of the advice was to try to view the criticism in a different light, which is certainly not sexist. I think the statements that women may respond to criticism differently didn't necessarily need to be gendered-- some people internalize criticism more than others within each gender. However, I have a hard time seeing that as a value judgment that puts down women, so no offense here.

Thank you for your commentary, it helps us as moderators,

Dave